i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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