Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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