I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
