I wish I could punch you in the face.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
