I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
