i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
