I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize