I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
