I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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