he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My ass is underappreciated
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
