Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
