It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
