He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
