we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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