When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
