By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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