i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
