just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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