I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
