it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize