I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
