It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
