Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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