Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we're making bets on your personal life
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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