JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
