Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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