drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
