p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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