I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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