Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
