I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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