I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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