i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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