...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can you repeat that, but with context?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
