so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
