somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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