Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
