u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
