Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
