Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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