I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
