Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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