that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
