my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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