Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
