Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
