In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
