So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
