Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
