Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
