She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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