You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
