I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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