mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
