I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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