So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
