I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
