I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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