Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
