the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
