i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
