Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it was like eating out sand paper
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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