He told me they were just razor bumps!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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