cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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