I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
