Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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